Of Matters Pertaining To Instant Coffee
by Aunty Lala
Summary: Things are not going well between Jack and Ianto since revelations about Flat Holm. But will they be able to pull together in the face of an even bigger crisis than instant coffee... In my universe this follows A Hunting We Will Go. (starts after adrift in TW season 2) WARNING: contains reference to character death (as per Cannon) and abuse
1. Chapter 1

Tosh booted her computer up and found Owen trying to catch her eye. She raised her eyebrows in a silent question but he shook his head and shrugged. She sighed as he brought her a coffee.

'Sorry love, it's still bloody chilly around here.'

'I had thought they might have sorted it out by now.' She still remembered the look on Ianto's face as he'd stalked out of the conference room, it made her less sure of herself.

'It's been what, two weeks, I'm not sure they'll ever sort it out at this rate.' Muttering under her breath about stubborn males.

They both sighed as they thought about the glacial turn of events between Jack and Ianto.

'I will deny ever saying this, but I almost miss walking in on them. At least I knew they were okay when they were shagging their way around the place. And maybe if they were okay, I'd be okay. Even if I kept copping an eyeful.'

Tosh put her coffee down as she swallowed the mouthful rather than spit it out over her keyboard. 'God Owen.' She glared at him. 'This isn't coffee.'

'Oh yeah, sorry about that, it's instant.'

'Instant coffee?'

He scratched his head and nodded. 'Yeah, we ran out of beans and Ianto's not here yet to tell me where he gets them from or anything.'

'Where did you even find it?'

'Back of the cupboard in the kitchen, I think it'd been there a while, it had Suzie's name on the jar.'

'We need to fix this Owen.' Pushing her cup aside.

He shook his head. 'It's up to those two stubborn jack-arses.' he laughed at his own joke. 'To figure themselves out Tosh, we agreed to stay out of it.'

'Yes, but that was before,' she pointed to the now abandoned coffee cup. 'Before that!'

'It's about the only advantage to being dead, I don't have to drink the instant coffee. Although.'

Tosh frowned at the thoughtful note to Owen's tone. 'Although?' She prompted.

'Gwen's the one who royally fucked it all up, she should be the one to fix it.'

Tosh surprised him with a bitter laugh.

'Oh that's going to happen.' She grabbed her purse. 'The rift's quiet, I'll be back with a proper coffee.'

'Bring his highness one back will ya.'

She flashed him a smile that would have chilled him to the bone if he'd been able to feel.

'Oh I don't think so.'

* * *

Tosh slipped into the aroma of her double shot mocha as caffeine buzzed around her brain. The nonsense between Ianto and Jack had to stop, instant coffee? She wasn't sure she wanted to ask the question of, what next... Would they be able to fix this one? Did they want to she wondered as she sipped her coffee. She didn't know what they had argued about two weeks ago, but things had been really uncomfortable since. And if she had to spend any more time listening to Gwen going on about how wonderful it was being married to Rhys she was going to shoot the woman. Probably with a stun gun, but the idea of putting her out of action with a flesh wound was tempting.

She was surrounded by friends, and she felt alone. So how did Ianto feel, being apart from the man he loved. Which was worse, she wondered, to have never had the opportunity to be with Owen, or to be like Jack and Ianto. They were clearly in love with each other but pride had pulled them apart.

* * *

Ianto walked in the Hub and frowned, something was wrong. Or more wrong than his going home alone to the flat, by himself each night. He and Jack had been given each other their space, but one night had turned into one week and now it was stretching out to two weeks. How much space did they need. It was weird being home alone, the flat filled with all things Jack, his clothes in the hamper, toothbrush in the bathroom. That awful tacky coffee cup with 'worlds best lover' scribbled over it, complete with bad grammar, sitting there mocking him from the kitchen bench.

He was tempted to throw it out, since Jack was hardly standing behind him or lounging in the doorway watching him cook. He'd never thought about how much time Jack spent just watching him before now. He wasn't sure if he should be finding it creepy or not. He did miss it. He missed falling asleep in the man's arms and waking up to Jack touching him, licking him, kissing him awake. But he wasn't going to make the first move, not this time. He shook his head and looked around, greeting Owen he asked where Tosh was. It surprised him to hear she was getting coffee until he remembered they had been running low.

'Has he had a coffee then?'

Owen nodded.

'What did you give him?'

'Instant.' He shivered as Ianto's smile ghosted across his lips before vanishing.

'Well, wont that be interesting then.' He turned back to his computer and waited.

* * *

Jack wrinkled his nose up at the coffee, it didn't smell like Ianto's, Owen had been getting the hang of the coffee machine and everything. He took a hesitant sip before he spat it back into the cup and stormed out of his office and saw Ianto had arrived.

'Ianto!' He watched Ianto turn slowly and look up, no smirk, no smile, nothing. 'What's the situation with the coffee?'

'I believe we have run out Sir.' He turned back to his computer, checking his emails.

Jack looked at Ianto's back. 'Ianto, my office please.' He watched as Ianto moved, again it was in slow motion, he wanted to scream at the man to move faster but he couldn't be sure he wasn't moving at a normal pace. He followed Ianto into his office and closed the door.

'How have we run out of coffee Ianto?'

'We seem to have drunk it all Sir.'

Jack closed his eyes as he sat down and looked up at Ianto. 'Sit, please.' Trying to hold onto a degree of calm. 'I understand we must have drunk the coffee to have run out.' He held his hand up to stop Ianto speaking. 'I don't want a smart arsed answer, I want to know when I will be getting a decent cup of coffee.'

'My supplier has been hit by unseasonal weather, Sir.'

'That's not the only thing that's unseasonal around here.' Jack muttered. 'And?'

'I was checking my emails to find out but you asked me to step in here, Sir.'

Jack sighed. This wasn't working. 'Ianto.' He sighed. 'We both said things -.'

Ianto cut him off. 'If that's all there is Sir, I'd like to get back to work.' Rising to his feet.

'Damn it Ianto, don't walk away from me.'

Ianto looked at Jack. 'What do you want, other than a coffee that's drinkable.'

'I want, I want us to talk.'

'Was there anything we didn't already say?'

'Damn it Ianto, I don't want this to be it. Is it what you want?'

'I don't know any more Jack.' His voice quiet as he stared at him. 'We both said things, it doesn't just go away, we can't wish them unsaid.'

Jack sighed. 'I know that. I just don't want this to be it.' He missed the Ianto that he had fallen in love with, this Ianto he wasn't so sure he liked.

Ianto shook his head. He wanted the relationship they had back, he wanted the man he woke up next to each morning to be the Jack sitting at his desk. But words had been exchanged and feelings that had been bottled up had been exposed to the air. Like a wound that doesn't hurt until it can breathe, pain had flooded back and he wasn't sure there would be enough time to get over that.

It wasn't about Jack ordering him to destroy Lisa, this was about wounds that went deeper. This was about the wounding, if not the very death itself, of a human soul. Words echoed around his head. Telling him he would never be good enough. That god had made a mistake the day Ianto Jones had been conceived. And an even bigger one in letting him live. He was not worthy of love if the man he loved couldn't trust him. So he turned to walk away instead. 'I'll see what I can do about the coffee Sir.'

Jack was torn, did he let the man walk away, or did he leap over his desk and kiss him until he saw reason. He didn't want to look back one day and wish he'd done more as he watched Ianto walk away.


	2. Chapter 2

He'd endured the occasional mutiny over the years, what leader hasn't had his judgement questioned. But for Ianto to be the one walking away, it hurt. He ached worse than when he'd had all his limbs cut off and slowly bled to death just so the Master could see how long it took him to regenerate. Something had been triggered for Ianto, and he was determined to find out what that was. He needed to fix this and obviously a few words muttered over the desk in his office wasn't enough. But what? Could he pull in another favour and take Ianto out to dinner in another historical Cardiff building? He liked that sort of thing. Or the Opera, but he'd just fall asleep again and that would hardly have the romantic undertone he was going for. He wasn't even sure dinner out somewhere would be enough.

Added to the fact that he didn't feel wrong in that while he maybe should have shared the Flat Holm secret with the team, Ianto had still betrayed him in helping Gwen find the island in the first place. No matter now noble or misguided the reasons might have been, not that he'd given Ianto much chance to tell him what they were. Could they repair this? And by they, he meant himself. Not to mention the god awful coffee.

He groaned, he'd started falling in love with Ianto over coffee but he'd been so blind he hadn't seen it and now he wasn't sure he hadn't fucked it up. This was worse than decaf. The few times Ianto had expressed his ire though decaf had been for clearly defined reasons, but this, this was worse than any torture he could have come up with. And he was sadly able to recall a long and successful life as a torturer, in another lifetime. What had he said to the guy in the countryside that time, he'd been the 'go to' guy. While he'd appreciated the Master's inventiveness, he could have still taught him a few tricks. All of which was nothing compared to what he was feeling now, instant coffee was one thing, but the absence of Ianto. He sighed softly, there was a way out of this he just didn't recognise it.

* * *

Ianto put his mobile down and said a very un-Ianto like thing. 'Fuck!' He looked up and saw a scandalised Tosh and shook his head. He usually reserved profanity for Welsh so as not to upset anyone. 'Sorry Tosh.'

She handed him a coffee she'd brought back from the Plass and raised an eyebrow in silent question.

He shook his head as he accepted the coffee. How did he put into words that he hated sleeping alone at night, that he found he even missed being woken at three in the morning by Jack with his nightmares. He never thought he'd miss that. His balls felt full and achy and masturbating in the shower just wasn't doing it for him. 'I'll be in the archives if anyone wants me.'

Tosh watched him stalk off and looked up to see Jack watching. It was creepy rather than endearing the way he hungrily devoured Ianto as the man stalked around the place. She tilted her head to one side and stood there, hand on hip glaring at him as if to say 'well?' She sipped her coffee and felt his eyes following the tilt of the cup. She tested her theory as she waved the cup side to side and saw his head follow it's path. 'Oh for gods sake Jack.' She slammed the cup down on the table and did some stalking of her own. Apparently Ianto was rubbing off on her.

Jack leapt across to the table but the coffee cup was empty as he tossed it in the trash. 'Ianto?'

Tosh frowned, had the man barked at her? 'Archives.' She waved dismissively as she got back to her software. They'd found some alien tech she was scanning, this might be the piece she'd been missing for her time lock and was eager to test it. Jack and his problems with Ianto momentarily forgotten.

* * *

Jack slammed the door to the archives and flicked the lock as he launched himself at Ianto. They met in a fury of lips and teeth as he tugged at clothing and rubbed himself against the Welshman. There were no words and Ianto responded, grinding his hips against Jack in desperation to get as close to the man as possible. They didn't even bother fully undressing as belts where yanked off and pants shoved down, Jack looked at Ianto before bending him over the desk.

'Do you want me to stop?'

Ianto shook his head. 'Just shut up and fuck me.'

Jack didn't wait for an engraved invitation as he yanked the desk draw open to find the lube and condoms before getting Ianto ready for his cock. This wasn't the kind of sex that was built on softly whispered endearments, it was raw and angry and possessive as Jack took Ianto. He was gentle but once he was inside Ianto he lost control and took. Ianto thrusting back against him was his guide and he rutted and possessed in the madness of lust the one person he truly wanted. He cried out as he rode Ianto. 'I, I, I love-.'

'Just, shut up and fuck me Jack.' Ianto snarled back at him, cutting the man off with his demands. He later wondered if he'd look back at that moment and regret stopping Jack from saying what he was sure was an I love you, but it was hardly the moment. They'd barely exchanged a word that was no more than politely civil in the last two weeks. Decelerations of love and endearments were not what part of an angry fuck over a desk. This didn't change anything, it was just a scratch that Jack was so very good at itching. He was still upset with Jack and the memories their fighting had raised for him. He sunk himself back on the comfort of Jack's cock and cried out as he came.

Jack hesitated as he pulled back from Ianto and discreetly disposed of the condom. Physically he'd needed that, but emotionally he still felt hollow and, was that a feeling of being used creeping in around the edges. He watched as Ianto pulled himself together and sighed as he did the same, buckling his belt and turning to speak to Ianto, finding the man gone. He looked around for Ianto and heard the archives door banging closed with a soft click. He growled out his frustrations and tried to calm his breathing down before moving back out into the Hub.

Tosh watched Ianto walking out of the archives looking a little calmer, the walls weren't totally soundproof so she wasn't under any illusions as to what had just happened. Jack wasn't far behind but he hardly looked as rested as he usually did after the two men shagged in the archives. Ianto looked a little rumpled but Jack, he was definitely not exuding any sort of calm aura right now. She sighed softly as she wondered just how much she should intervene in what was a private matter. She just hoped they figured this out before too long, she didn't have time to chase drinkable coffee and try not to trip over their clearly bruised egos. Owen caught her eye and they both just shrugged as she turned back to her research.

* * *

Jack tried to catch Ianto on his own all day, but he seemed to always be just out of reach. He hoped this wasn't a metaphor for their relationship. He missed what they had as he reviewed the arguments they'd had, the way Ianto had stood up to him, posture defensive, hands balled in fists at his sides. It helped that he'd had CCTV footage to review and he'd poured over every frame looking for clues as to what this was really about. And where the hell was Gwen, she'd been late before but this was taking the piss. He hit the reverse button and replayed their argument from after the meeting. This time he saw something that made his heart stop for a moment. He went back and forwards perhaps a dozen times and groaned before dropping his head into his hands. He was such an idiot when it came to Ianto Jones. He started pulling up a computer search, he wanted more information than. He didn't want to be right. But he knew he wasn't wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

Ianto thought about what had happened in the archives, it had been an intensely physical explosion built from need and frustration but what did it mean now? A shag in the archives, no matter how good, didn't magically fix everything. How had this all gotten so fucked up? He tossed his pen onto the desk and shoved his chair back. He called out to no one in particular that he was going to find a sandwich as he stalked out of the Hub. The rift was quiet, he was up to date with his paperwork, some fresh air might be helpful. He didn't understand why this was so hard. He loved Jack so why was he fighting himself and why was he fighting Jack?

* * *

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, looking at the caller ID it was Rhi. He hit answer as he geared himself up for a conversation with his sister. 'Hello Rhi.' He contemplated sitting down but if she started going on about visiting the grave he might be better moving.

'It's dad's birthday Ianto, I'd really like it if you came to the grave.'

'Because it was such a blast last year?'

'You weren't there last year, or the year before that, or the one before that. In fact, I'd be hard pressed to remember a single time you've visited since the funeral.'

'So why start now Rhi? Really? What do you want me to remember? The time I broke my arm on the swing?'

'That was an accident Ianto.'

'And my tenth birthday, which I spent in the emergency room? That was a barrel of laughs, was that an accident too?' He waited for a reply but was greeted by silence. He sighed softly. 'Look, it's been really rough at work lately and I'm not in the mood to share all three of my happy childhood memories with you.'

'Ianto, I know it wasn't easy for you with dad, you were too alike I think.'

'That's something for me to look forward to, will I be a crappy parent as well you think?'

'It wasn't like that.'

'Did he ever tell you he wished you hadn't been born?'

'He didn't mean it Ianto.'

'So why did he keep saying it?' He sighed again. 'Look, I don't want to talk about it.'

'We haven't seen you in ages Ianto, the kids were asking about you.'

'How are they Rhi?'

'David's getting really good at football, you should come and watch him play.'

'Yeah, look, email or text me when he's got a game and if it's not too crazy at work I'll see what I can do. I've got to go, I'm on my lunch break.'

'Okay, love you Ianto.'

He looked up and saw Jack standing in front of him. 'Love you too.' He ended the call and tucked his phone in a pocket. 'Jack.'

'I thought I heard you say you were going out for a sandwich, I thought you might like company.'

'I was talking to my sister.'

'And you say you aren't psychic.'

'I'm not Jack, it's logical that you might want to know who is ringing me on a number only a handful of people have access to.'

'Oh.' He fell in step with Ianto. 'Did you have a nice chat?'

'We had the same conversation we always have.'

'Where she wants you to visit your dad's grave?'

'Yep.'

'And you say no.'

'Yep.'

'Why does she keep trying, she does know how stubborn you are, right?'

'Are you being facetious Jack?'

'Probably.' He stopped walking, grabbing Ianto's arm to stop him too. 'Why don't you want to visit your father's grave?'

'You've lived a long time Jack, there isn't any of that you would rather not remember?'

'Was it that bad?'

'You know what they say right, if you have to ask...'

'You never talk about him, I know more about your step father.'

'Morris is a nice enough guy for a vegetarian, and he makes my mam happy.'

'See, I already know more about him. You made one comment about your father being a tailor who could size a man up from the way he walked across the room.'

'Because you talk about your father all the time.'

Jack nodded. 'Yeah, I get it, I'm a ball of secrets. I've lived so long I don't remember my father. Is that what you want to know?' He turned and walked away.

Ianto sighed before calling out to Jack. 'Look, do you want me to pick you up a sandwich or what?' He watched as Jack waved a hand over his head and kept walking. Staring at the man's back before he headed towards the little coffee shop he liked.

* * *

He walked into the Hub and dropped a sandwich on Jack's desk before walking back to his own. Tosh looked up as he sat down.

'Did Jack catch up with you?'

He nodded. 'Ah ha, but, well...' He trailed off as he concentrated on his sandwich.

She sighed. 'Really? What is it with you two?'

Ianto sighed, matching Tosh's exasperation with his own. 'I don't know. One minute things are fine, then Gwen and Flat Holm happen and suddenly everything's different.'

She pulled her chair over and sat down. 'Do you want to talk about it?'

* * *

Jack looked down at the city below him, he hadn't felt the need to stand on top of a building for ages, but the last few weeks had changed something. He hadn't thought about his father for years, until he'd started reading Ianto's file again. It was the medical records that had surprised him, but he hadn't had any call to look at anything prior to his joining Torchwood, until now. The man had led an average sort of life on the surface, until you looked deeper. He was starting to put together an image of a father who wasn't the sort of man someone like Ianto would have needed him to be. There was nothing overt, you had to read between the lines, but Owen had confirmed what some of the x-rays had revealed. And he'd just pushed him further away by asking about his father. What did knowing change if this was what he was left suspecting.

He felt the wind picking up and turned back to the world that was now his. He wondered if Batman was real and if so did he feel the same degree of responsibility for the world laid out below him. What was the argument for string theory? That there are an infinite number of universes so there must be one in which you really are Batman. All jokes aside, he hadn't felt this lonely since before meeting Ianto. And now he wasn't sure if there was anything left for him there. He didn't want meaningless shags in the archives. He wanted his lover back. But how? What could he say or do that would bridge the growing divide between them. And had he really been going to say he loved Ianto when they had been having their shag in the archives? That would have been in bad taste, he was mostly glad Ianto had stopped him. Mostly.

* * *

Ianto pulled his phone out and sent Rhi a text message. _Sorry I was a twat_. He didn't know why his father had been so hard on him growing up. But he'd learnt to adapt, to anticipate what people around him wanted. Desperate for some sort of recognition from his father that wasn't the back of the man's hand or the sting of a belt. It was the words that still haunted him, scars faded and bones mended.

Not words like worthless, that if he didn't work hard how could he amount to anything. But it had been telling him he had been nothing but a wasted opportunity of conception, that had been his father's favourite taunt. That had followed him around. In the darkest corners of his soul it jumped out at him like a stalker determined to steal his happiness. And this time there was no Jack to hold him tight and whisper softly in the darkness things he wasn't sure he really heard, or just hoped he heard his lover say.

Perhaps one day he could grow to forgive his father the childhood he had endured. His mother had tried to shelter him as much as she could, but even she hadn't been able to make it stop. He sighed softly, he'd done a pretty good job at blocking most of it out. Until arguing with Jack brought it all crashing back. And how he'd crashed. So perhaps one day he could find forgiveness but it wasn't this day.


	4. Chapter 4

Ianto looked up as he rolled his neck, not realising before now that they others were gone and Jack was standing beside him, leaving him wondering how long he'd been there. He used to know when he was near him, now it seemed he was blind. The scent of pheromones began pooling in his groin, so Jack was pulling out all the stops. 'Can I help you with something?'

Jack grinned. 'Oh I can think of a few things you could help me with.' He'd heard a tinge of tiredness in Ianto's voice and sighed softly as the man just sat there and rolled his eyes. 'Okay, maybe it's too soon for that, but I've ordered in dinner. For us.'

Ianto bit back a retort and nodded. They did need to sort something out, maybe dinner was a good idea. Tosh hadn't exactly been shy earlier in the day when expressing her disdain for their current distance. He had found himself hoping she had children just so she could be the bane of the school teacher's lives. And that he'd live long enough to see that happen, but this was Torchwood. She used to be so quiet, Torchwood did that to you too. He nodded. 'What did you order?'

'Chinese, I've been eating pizza for the last few days.'

'Ah.'

'You don't mind?'

Ianto shook his head. 'The usual?'

Jack nodded. 'I was kind of hoping you would say yes.' He shuffled his feet as he smiled at Ianto.

Ianto smiled back as Jack led him towards his favourite dishes laid out on the conference table, right down to the pan fried dumplings and the fortune cookies.

'I um, wasn't sure if I should light some candles...' Jack trailed off.

Ianto shook his head. 'This is fine Jack, really, um, thanks.'

'I'm sorry about before, talking about our fathers, I, I don't remember mine and you, want to forget. I get it and, I'm sorry.'

'What do you get, Jack?'

He felt the warning in Ianto's tone and considered his response carefully. 'Maybe one day you'll tell me but can we eat first. I've missed you and if we're going to have a strained conversation I'd rather do that later.'

Ianto nodded as he sat down to the meal laid out before him. It was clear neither of them wanted to fight but could a dinner make up for the spaces seeping in between them he wondered.

Dinner passed in the silence of longing looks and request to pass various dishes, until they finished with fortune cookies as Jack cleared the table. Ianto separating them into two piles, laughing softly as he cracked one open and read the fortune inside.

Jack looked up. 'What?'

Ianto read. 'Live each day as if tomorrow will be your last.'

'That's hardly cheerful is it.' He cracked one open. 'Oh.'

'Oh?'

'The hardest road is the one to forgiveness.' He dropped the paper on the table and ate the cookie.

'Hm, okay.' Ianto selected another cookie. 'Forgiveness starts with the self.' He looked at Jack. 'Did you order the forgiveness selection?'

'No, they don't usually have options.' He snapped a second cookie open for the filmy scrap of paper inside. 'It's better to share.' He sighed and handed the fortune to Ianto.

'It's better to share burdens than break your back alone. Hm.' He handed another cookie to Jack. 'I'm not sure I can open this one.' Wondering what would be revealed this time. Usually the fortunes were humorous missives about making wise investments and not arguing with your wife. Apparently not these ones.

Jack read the hidden note in a quiet voice. 'Do not loose sight of what you love.' He handed Ianto the last cookie, their hands lingering.

Ianto extracted the last fortune and began laughing. 'Oh someone's night isn't going to go according to plan.'

'What?'

'Will you marry me Lucy Smith?'

Jack snatched the tiny paper and roared with laughter. 'Oh dear.'

Ianto reached over and took the fortune back. 'I think I'll keep this one.'

Jack took his hand and leaned in to kiss him but stopped as the Welshman froze. He sighed softly. 'What will it take?'

'I'm not sure Jack.' He pulled away and moved to a sofa as Jack followed. 'Do you trust me?'

'I was going to ask you the same thing.' Jack sighed. 'I don't know any more. I've come to realise that although you were right, it wasn't your decision to make.'

'Do you know why I did it, why I gave her the coordinates for Flat Holm?'

Jack shook his head. 'I never asked did I.'

'Nope.'

He turned to Ianto as he sat next to him. 'So why did you risk everything to help her? She's hardly your favourite person.'

'I didn't think I was risking everything did I. But I did it because it was the right thing to do. The cost of her knowing was less than the risk she was exposing all of us to.'

'Still wasn't your decision to make. I trusted you with that information, hell, you've never been there, you don't know what it's like looking into the faces of people who've seen nightmares, I, wanted to spare you that.'

Ianto rolled his eyes. 'Two words Jack, Torchwood and One.' He shook his head. 'Beyond that, I don't need to know.'

'What?'

Ianto shrugged. 'I know what it's there for, that's all that's important. That's all she needed to know.'

Jack sighed. 'You know more of the secrets of this place than any of them, can I trust you to keep them?'

Ianto considered his reply and spoke slowly. 'What do you think Jack?'

Jack took Ianto's hand in his. 'I don't know if I'm saying yes because I miss you in my bed or because I trust you.'

'And if I was never in your bed again?' His voice soft against the vastness of the Hub, desperate for Jack's answer.

Jack lost himself in Ianto's eyes and was about to speak when he heard a phone ring. He reached for his but watched as Ianto withdrew a ringing phone from his pocket.

'If that's your mother Ianto Jones...' Jack muttered.

Ianto shook his head. 'Andy?'

Jack pulled away and rose to his feet as he watched Ianto patting his pockets, handing him a pen he watched neat handwriting note down an address before moving to a computer and checking the rift for activity. Whatever reason had Andy calling wasn't related to any recent rift activity, which meant it was probably a weevil. One with really bad timing. Which meant he'd just as likely shoot the damn thing as bring it back to shove in the empty cell next to Janet. He watched Ianto tuck the phone back in his pocket.

'Weevil?'

Ianto shook his head. 'Someone saw a blue police box vanish, I've got an address if you wanted to talk to them, Andy just told them to stop drinking cheep vodka.'

Jack shook his head. 'I've spent enough time with the Doctor for now, he knows where to find me.' He smiled softly. 'I was sort of hoping everything I wanted was here.' He stepped towards Ianto and watched as the younger man moved back slightly. He tried to hide his disappointment behind a smile.

Ianto dragged a hand though his hair before straightening his tie. 'I think until we resolve the issue of whether or not you trust me, I probably shouldn't end up in your bed.' He felt his heart break as he watched Jack standing there, torn between leaping on the man and walking away. Indecision won as Jack nodded.

'You might be right, it's a liability if I can't trust you, or myself.' He tried to temper the regret in his voice. 'Doesn't mean I want you to leave.' He was treated to a half smile in that Mona Lisa way that was pure Ianto.

'That sort of answers my question doesn't it.' He turned to walk away. 'I'll see you tomorrow.'

'Ianto.' Jack called out.

'Sir?'

'For gods sake bring some decent coffee in with you. I know you have a secret stash at the flat.'

Ianto smiled as he kept walking.


	5. Chapter 5

Watching Ianto walk away Jack felt as if all the light had left with him, leaving him alone in darkness. He busied himself with clearing away the remains of their meal, giving himself time to think. Did he trust Ianto? He knew without a doubt he loved his Welshman with an abiding passion that mocked each night spent alone. There was trust inherent in that love, but was it enough. Flat Holm had been the only occasion other than Lisa, where he'd ever had any cause to doubt Ianto. There was no hesitation when they were out in the field, or when it came to the physical side of their relationship. In all other things he trusted Ianto with everything, except. He couldn't say _I love you_. Was that about trust or fear? And did Ianto trust him, something he hadn't considered before now.

Ianto hadn't spoken much about his father and it almost felt disloyal to suspect the man abused his son. Of course he'd gotten Owen to check the medical records for the man's sister and mother, but they had not shown the same signs of abuse. Their x-rays were absent the healed fractures and hospital admittance forms found in Ianto's files. He would have completely missed it himself if he hadn't been obsessively pouring over the CCTV footage and seen a subtle flinch. Along with a moment of hesitation as Ianto seemed to weigh the value of standing up to him in their argument. But he had seen it and Owen had confirmed it. He wished Ianto trusted him enough to talk to him about it. But that was the theme for the day, trust. Even if he too had secrets.

Jack sighed softly as he walked aimlessly around the Hub, sounds of night settling in around him. Water dripped and Myfanwy making her final swoop before she too tucked her head in for the night. It was lonely without Ianto but until he could answer the question his Welshman had posed, it would likely remain that way. He wanted to call him, or turn up on his doorstep, but pride dictated he honour Ianto's decision to walk away. Safe in the long list of tomorrows still stretching out before them he decided sleep might be a good idea. It had been a long day made longer by the lack of Ianto's coffee. Whatever it had been Owen had found it wasn't coffee. It might have been coffee at one point but it hadn't been coffee in a long time.

He rolled into sleep chased by dreams of coffee he could smell but not see. And see but not touch, until he finally held a cup of coffee in his hands but it was cold. He woke in a cold sweet as the cold coffee had morphed into Ianto's cold body, unresponsive in his arms. The man's name on his lips as dread settled over him like a mantle unasked for and unwanted. He lay awake in darkness least in sleep he dream and in dreams he lose Ianto again.

He must have fallen asleep as he woke to the alarm flashing at him and the sounds of the Hub moving above him. Dressed he rose out of his bunker and found a ghastly looking orange and green tartan Thermos sitting on his desk. He cautiously opened the lid, nearly dropping it as smell invaded his senses. Hastily fumbling least he spill a single drop he found a note written in Ianto's flowing script. 'This is the very last of the coffee.' He swallowed it down in greedy gulps before moving into the Hub, looking for Ianto.

Tosh looked up and just pointed to the archives, having watched Ianto moved though the Hub after dropping by Jack's office. If they were going to play games she was staying out of it. The door made a tell tale click as it was locked from the inside.

* * *

Jack leaned against the wall, watching Ianto slot folders into filing cabinets. He admired the graceful movements as long elegant fingers manipulated paper and folders. Piano players hands, and they knew how to play him. He groaned softly as memories flooded across his skin.

Ianto smiled to himself before turning to Jack. 'Sir?'

'I ah, I wanted to thank you, personally, for the coffee.'

'Oh yes? What did you have in mind, Sir.' He moved closer to his desk as Jack stepped towards him.

'I was thinking, a blow job, might convey my, ah, level of gratitude.' He licked his lips as Ianto swallowed.

'Do you, Sir.'

Jack kept his eyes locked with Ianto's. 'I do.'

'I could, let you thank me, like that, if you insist, Sir.'

Jack reached for Ianto and smiled. 'Oh but I do.'

* * *

Tosh groaned as the rift alarm sounded, Jack had only just gone into the archives. She glared at her computer. 'You couldn't have waited thirty minutes.' Muttering as she started looking at data, calling over her shoulder. 'Owen!'

He moved to stand beside her. 'They're not going to want to hear this.'

She scoffed. 'I don't want to hear it, but they need to.' She pointed to the monitor. 'I'm detecting multiple signals.'

'So we can't do this on our own then.' He looked at Tosh. 'What? They are behaving like the two biggest pains in the butt right now. You know, I was sure they just needed to shag it out.'

She sighed. 'Apparently that wasn't enough. How are we going to decide who gets to interrupt them?'

'Paper, scissors rock?'

'Or, I could just pull rank, I have been here longer.'

'Yeah, and I'm already dead, right, fine. I'll do it.' He walked towards the archive door and banged loudly. 'Oi, I know you two can hear me. The rift alarms have gone off.'

* * *

Ianto looked at Jack and sighed as they both shared the same sentiment.

'Bugger.'

Jack shook his head before he jerked the door open and stalked towards Tosh, giving Ianto a few additional moments of privacy to straighten himself up. 'This better be good Tosh.'

'I'm sorry Jack.' She showed him the data, pointing to the rift spikes. 'It wasn't my idea.'

He sighed as he placed a hand on her shoulder before looking around. 'Where's Gwen?'

'Not here Sir.' Ianto looked up from checking his computer as Owen jumped.

'Jesus Ianto, and you suggested I wear a bloody bell, I didn't see you come out of the archives.'

'I've got an address Sir, I can call Gwen on the way.'

'Alright people, gear up and lets get this show on the road.' His hand lingering on Ianto's shoulder.

* * *

Jack parked the SUV beside an abandoned looking building in the industrial area and Ianto walked along talking into his cell phone. 'Gwen, we've texted you the location, we're querying four or five signs of life, definitely non human. Get here as soon as you can.'

* * *

The day flashed past Ianto like a bad montage, he decided having a building land on him tended to focus the mind. Like concentrating on Jack's hand on his chest rather than the ache in his shoulder. Wondering who had set them up, planting bombs for them to find like some sort of sadistic bobby prize. Finding a hologram of John Hart on Jack's wrist strap was hardly a surprise. Finding out Jack had a missing brother, that was a little new. It looked like Jack's secrets were going to get them all killed. If he'd known how the day was going to end he might have been a little kinder to the others, to Jack. He might have tried harder to get hold of decent coffee beans rather than letting him drink instant coffee.

He might have had one more late night meal with Tosh talking about what a wanker Owen had been about not seeing what was right in front of him. He might have even told Jack that he loved him. He would have definitely said something other than 'how' to Owen as he faced down the weevils. Or perhaps goodbye to Tosh as her blood painted the autopsy suite. If the rest of Jack's family were like his brother he wasn't sure he wanted to meet them. But they continued even in the face of death and the loss of friends. He thought back to all the times Owen had called him tea boy or walked in on him and Jack in the Hub. They had no body to bury, nothing but memories, a few files and some personal effects.

He'd watched Jack pack Owen's things, Gwen tidying Tosh's while he updated computer records as Tosh's voice filled the room. He let Jack hold him as he contemplated the reality that life as a Torchwood operative really wasn't a long term career choice. He was probably going to die before his mother and sister and he was definitely going to die before Jack. Perhaps he should write a letter for Jack, like Tosh recorded for them. Perhaps that way he could finally say, 'I love you...'


	6. Chapter 6

'Come on Ianto, I'm taking you home'. Jack looked at Gwen. 'Go, be with Rhys.'

'Are you sure -.'

He cut her off. 'Times like this we need to be with the person we love. Go home, be with yours, I've got Ianto.'

She didn't argue as she saw the determination written in Jack's face. Envious of the protective arm around the young Welshman's waist. She'd seen Ianto numb when Jack had vanished but this broke her heart. There was no guilty hope that Tosh or Owen could come back from this. Not this time.

* * *

Jack drove to the flat in silence, parking Ianto's car he shut the engine off before turning to Ianto and reaching for his hand as they sat in silence.

Ianto looked at Jack, tears in his eyes. 'How do you do it Jack?'

'Do what?'

'Live when we all die.'

Jack laid Ianto's hand over his heart. 'For a long time I didn't. Until a certain blue eyed, stubborn Welshman gave me my first coffeegasim and a pet dinosaur.'

'Coffeegasim isn't a word Jack.'

'It should be.' He sighed. 'I accepted some time ago that I was cursed to outlive my friends and lovers. So I have memories and when they fade I have photos.'

Ianto's voice was quiet. 'Do you have photos of me?'

'Yep, lots of them, mostly of you sleeping. And a DNA sample so I can clone you when you die.'

Ianto snorted. 'You only love me for my coffee and that's hardly genetic.'

Jack leaned over and whispered in Ianto's ear. 'And the suits, you look amazing in a suit.' He wanted to hold the moment to him, least he lose the opportunity should Ianto not want him to stay. So he held Ianto's hand over his heart and waited.

Ianto reached up with his free hand and cupped Jack's cheek. 'Come home Jack.'

Jack nodded as he followed Ianto out of the car and into the flat. Their flat. He steered Ianto towards the couch and moved to put the kettle on. 'I'll make you a cup of tea.'

'That's very British of you Jack.'

'A stiff upper lip and a cup of tea?'

Ianto nodded as he folded in on himself until Jack placed a warm mug in his hands and wrapped his arms around him. At least Jack didn't put honey or sugar in his tea. He found he hadn't even tasted the tea as he held an empty cup in his hands. Fuelled by the memory of the last time he sat on this couch with a cup of tea someone had made for him. 'I can't Jack. It hurts to breathe.'

Jack took the cup from him and set it aside as he just held Ianto tight and kissed his forehead. 'Don't try to hold it in. This is where we honour the friend who was and celebrate the life lived.'

'When do we mourn our dead Jack?'

'There's time enough for that later.'

'For you maybe.' He whispered against Jack's shoulder, content to be held.

'Do you need to go over the details to work this out, or hot tea and a shot of whiskey?'

'Just, don't let go Jack.'

'Never Ianto. Never.'

* * *

One Week Later:

Jack smiled as Ianto laughed at his joke, this was his Ianto. Dry wit, drool comments and eye rolling. And coffee. Beans had finally arrived the day before and once more the softly seductive smell of Ianto's coffee wafted though the Hub. Cardiff would put itself to rights, Grey was finally safe and John was gone. And more importantly, he had his Ianto back. Current crisis averted and the world was saved, once more. Until next time. He sighed softly as he wondered if he'd ever see a time when there didn't have to be a next time. He stopped as Ianto paused.

'Ah, Jack?'

Jack pulled his gun and nodded, moving into the lead as Ianto fell slightly behind him and to his left, gun also in hand. They heard it again, a blood curdling scream, looking at each other they both said the same thing. 'Gwen.'

They rushed into the Hub to find Gwen sitting on the conference table, hugging her knees to her chest as they saw three lumpy, hairy looking things with rows of sharp teeth and wearing what looked like lipstick. Jack shook his head as he watched them around the floor, nudging one with his foot. Make up strewn around the room as they rolled in a puddle of what Jack hoped was just coffee.

He surmised Gwen had probably thrown her handbag at them while looking for a gun. Holstering his own he found the hairiest of the three looking back at him. It gave a crocked smile as it hiccupped before lapping at the coffee and lying back with a contented grunt. A faint snore ensued as the other two waved their arms about making coffee angles in the puddle.

Jack looked at Ianto. 'I told you your coffee was orgasmic.'

Ianto nodded. 'I guess there really is no place like gnome...'


End file.
